My Thoughts....Run!

Okay I know it has been a while. I have been writing a lot, but not on these blogs. There are some things you can not say knowing it will cause chaos and unnecessary arguments, just because we humans can not take some opinions. So with that said.
Some of my thoughts:

McCain has no clue when referring (and using his name) about Mr. Zapatero, who is the Prime Minister of Spain, McCain said and I quote “..judged on the basis of the importance of our relationship with Latin America and the entire region.”. Heeellllooooo can you say another Dumb Bush want to be? Geography…hmm…different continent asshole.
McCain wants to blow of the Presidential Debate tonight, due to our countries financial difficulties. The focus on tonight’s debate was foreign policy. Could have been changed, you know (topic of course)!? Obama’s response: “It is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more then one thing at once.” Go Obama!!!! And my 2 cents…wtf is McCain going to do at 8pm for our financial situation? I ask!!! MORON WTF!!!
Immigration. Why do you think WE (including me) have to leave our own birth country?! Because, they either starve you to death, or kill you for your religious believes, or because of your nationality, or the color of your skin. Because you can not survive where you are. Trust me, humans can adapt to a lot of things, but when there is not food, then you try to survive and migrate. Look at France, has huge issues with immigration, no one wants to invest in Africa, so people try to go to different countries earn money so they can keep their families fed. Mexico, Cuba…I could go on and on. USA won’t lift the Cuban thing, even though they are suffering bad after the hurricanes….where do we loose our humanity and money/power wins over lives?!
Banker’s excessive risk taking is the main cause of this financial crisis. Why are we paying for this? Even if the rescue plan takes or not takes effect we are going to suffer like crazy. How come they don’t freeze their accounts of the VP’s and other major players, who created these decisions and pay/fix some of the issues. In my old country under communism, if you worked in a company and they did Inventory and they came up short, guess what? Took the total, based on seniority and the shortage got split through ALL employees, took it out of their salaries. So you knew that the following year EVERYONE was looking out for the companies benefit. Here companies go belly-up, the VP’s walk away with millions and I get $28.42 cents for 12 yrs of work. Fuck this shit!
Now listen to what the Gorgeous Republicans want to do! Are you ready?! NRA's bill would allow open carrying of assault rifles on D.C. streets. In pushing for H.R. 6691, the NRA has argued that the District of Columbia's citizens and elected officials should not have a say in their gun laws, and that Congress should dictate those laws with an NRA-backed bill instead. WHY NOT?! Fucking EY!
Guess who is one of the major supporters against Gay Marriage? YEAH!!! MY BLOG, so YEAH FUCKING MORMONS!!!! Members of the church of jesus christ of lattery-day saints ( I won’t cap the letters on purpose) have contributed more than a third of the approximately $15.4 million raised since June 1 to support Proposition 8 in California. The ballot initiative, if passed, would reverse the current right of same-sex couples to marry. Now some of the Mormons, who for some financial reasons, or who knows what were the reasons, they did not contribute, they were reminded that their soul will be in jeopardy, if they didn’t give. So right now at the end of August the polls show 54% against ballot and 40% support it.
So to close my political thoughts, in a compressed form here it goes: FUCK MCCAIN/BUSH/BANKERS/NRA and MORMONS!!!! You can all kiss my white lesbian ASS.

I am still reading September’s book. I like it, it is called K.E.Lane: And playing the role of Herself. I miss the train, depending of my mom’s schedule I might go back to the train rides. So relaxing, I can not deal with angry Spanish ladies who can not drive and on top of that they think they can intimidate me with they fast talking mixed language fucking mami referring to me, not able to follow simple dotted lines and acting like they are correct when traffic signs were pretty clear.

What else? I refuse to let my dogs out at 4am, because Diva loves to chase skunks. Even though she got sprayed in the mouth and eyes, she still doesn’t learn. So I refuse to run out naked at 4am and turn the hose on because she is dying from skunk juice. She has many phobias this dog, let me tell you, one of them is once 7:30pm comes she will not go outside. I thought maybe because it is dark, but she has no issues with 4 am, so that can not be. I could go on and on….about Diva, but let’s just say no thanks to mom she is fat now.

I have overworked myself at my old job with my new job, I did OT, but come to find out, the to I did for the other dept, my boss has an issue with. Internal politics, what can I tell you. My old job hasn’t paid me yet. I am hurting bad.

I had to call Roto Rooter, cost me $440 and an additional 600 for flushing my system. I don’t have it soo now I am afraid to take a dump at home. On top me and bro fixed my toilet 2 times already… sigh I need to melt the led pipe and change it, but since we have never done it, either of us is a little nervous. So I was hoping this OT time might help in hiring someone who actually knows what they do, otherwise I can imagine myself stuck in the bathroom with legs in the air, toilet in basement and my ass stuck in the whole.

I have tried to choke my inner feelings. I have tried to kill the only feeling inside me, that I always thought was good, but it seems no one cares to have it. So I tried to kill all the love I have inside. In the process I got real depressed. I have been torn by many weird things, like loyalty and loneliness, my morals and what I do/did about them. I have been torn, by why and how can I love someone without any reservations, knowing nothing will ever come out of it. Why do I need to love, and why do I feel lonely. I am not unhappy, I am just disappointed in me, all these years wasted, not showing for much. I talked and kept an online Some-thing Ship… can you call it relationship if you are not together? Cause to me it felt more then a friendship and yet we were not in a relationship, anyway she said to me once “that I make her heart smile” and once she said “I can’t take you with me, but I don’t want anyone else to have you either” and recently she said and wow…it was probably the nicest thing I ever heard, “why did I ever let you go”. I tell you that brought tears to my eyes. She is very nice and gorgeous, thank you girl!

What else? Oh yeah! My nephew is 12, he wants a girlfriend, I said why? He said sex. I was shocked, so I was like talking to him, find out how much he knows, if dad talked to him, of course he did. So when I am safe to know that he already talked to his dad about things, his little arrogant answer was, well condoms keep you safe. I was like you are not serious are you? Look what happened to your dad and mom...lol and I was laughing, so I looked at him and said dude I am joking, I just want you to understand, anything that is man made can be broken, period. Next thing you know I get a call from my bro, chewing me out that I told his son he was a mistake. Wow. Of course the conversation between me and nephew was longer explaining about the condoms, etc…. anyway, now I am in trouble. Sigh…

I am looking to sleep with anyone for one night, no sex involved just to sleep with. Anyone? Joking. Seriously, I miss having a gf when it comes to nights. Somehow, I always slept better with someone. I miss me a woman. God! I wish you wanted me as bad as I did.
No matter, life goes on.

Okay, what is up with women and their los of pubic hair. Please if you shed, at least don’t leave it on the toilet seat. GOD! Come on.

Oh Yeah! I am single, if you know anyone who would be interested in me, please let me know.
Enjoy the debates tonight; I am starving like never before.

That it will never come again is what makes life sweet

I love these lines:

“Forgive my lips
They find joy
In the most unusual places
I would like a lifetime plate
Of you and all your imperfections
With a side of short tempered jealousy
And a bottle of you
In a glass that is never empty”

“Pardonne mes lèvres. Elles trouvent la joie dans les endrois les plus inhabituels Je suis fou de tes lèvres”

It would be nice if one day I could romance a woman. This sounds even sexier in French, Hungarian and Romanian. J

Wow! Yesterday, I had a conversation with a lady that … is very sweet to me, love her very much and miss her like crazy. I could have gotten fired and it would have been like “Oh! Well!”. She makes it so easy for me, to be me. Not to mention, this is only over the phone, in real life she makes it more easier. Too bad it is not something that will go anywhere, but the thought is nice, that It could have. The thought that an amazing woman could be able to love me, wow… what an amazing feeling. Thank you Sweetheart! (she doesn’t read me, so it is safe).

So also yesterday my boss came and talked to me. He wants me to pick up the hardware part of the system, printers and handheld’s, he wants me to be the contact point in repair, etc. Also he mentioned that he is leaving in 6 months and he wants me to apply for his job. So this few months I need to hustle and learn. Now, I don’t want you to think I ma the only one who he would recommend, there are at least 4-5 people here who have 100 times more experience in here. Either way it felt good.

Barbara went out of her way to make sure my key works to the gym now, today I just didn’t have the energy to do anything. My tummy was hurting and my body muscles ache, so I gave them a morning off. Also I shouldn’t be up till 2 am ;-)
Ok got to hit the bathroom again, this is ridiculous!
All I want to do is be in bed and be pampered. Not going to happen. Honestly I have never been pampered, even when I was sick and young.
I think it can be traced back to old folk’s way, in a third world country, called “toughen up”. Sigh…
Lately I feel the need to hold and be held. I can not shake this feeling off. I hate it, not because I am a heartless person, because it seems that I can not find anyone who can get emotionally attached to me, so I figure I need to stop hoping for that, and just enjoy the physical aspect of it.
I go bowling each Sunday and I enjoy it, except that I think I pulled my middle finger out of its own joint socket. Ever since the first game I am in horrible pain, but I won’t stop J HOPING I CAN SEE A DOC NEXT WEEK.
I look around and there are so many couples, it makes me literally sick, depressed, for the last 3 weeks I tried to get drunk, finally this past Sunday I did. I got drunk, it was good. I went home and passed out. Didn’t need to feel anyone.
Any ideas how can I shake this feeling off?
I don’t have anyone who will just let me hold her all night, I even contemplated in hiring a hooker and let me hold her all night. The idea is becoming more and more a “going to be a reality to me”.

What else yesterday was my niece’s birthday she is 2 Hadley! You are a so gorgeous. Happy Birthday!
It has been 2 years since I had the second serious lung surgery.
I didn’t think I make it out of that long ass surgery.

So my mother is thinking I should purchase another car, but a fairly new one and pay monthly. This whole month by month pay, it gives me the ....something...lol…. I like to pay and have it. It makes me feel like I am paying waaaaaay more if I pay in installments. You know?!
Then your insurance is higher, the taxes are higher…etc. I can go on forever.
My thing is I need to stop crashing my cars J I know I know…I think I crashed like 6 cars or more, in the last 15 yrs. Know nothing kills me J

When you tell me I have sexy lips, it means a lot to me. Thank you.

I am lost

Last night I had a conversation that has saddened me a lot.

I have a couple of friends that have been abused physically and mentally, in their previous/current marriages, relationships, or civil unions, or just simple relationships.

How can you help these ladies?

How can you get them to understand that they don’t deserve this, NO ONE does.

Especially when you love someone and you can see all the mistakes they are making, and you try to tell them, open their eyes, but you can’t nag them nor argue with them, cause that would be the last thing I could do. I can’t do such thing. All I can do is listen and cry and pray that maybe one day, they will realize how precious they are.

I was reading leathermenace’s post http://leathermenace.multiply.com/

And she said the following “I've always felt, and no doubt always will, that when you love someone you will want to make their time on this world easier, and that their feelings will matter just as much as yours do to you.

Love is so easy to recognize and yet so many people are fooled by a bastardized form of love, that it is truly disheartening.

Why do we so often compromise, on what we are willing to accept as love?

Why do we so often settle for something so far from love that is unmistakably not love? Are people everywhere so afraid that love will not find them, that they are willing to settle for being ignored, forgotten, overlooked, mistreated, and even abused?

And Why are people so willing to settle for someone that they don't love so often that they find themselves being the one who is ignoring, forgetting, overlooking, mistreating, and even abusing someone they say they love?”

I also truly believe that loving someone is making their lives easier, more loved, and respected, and on my side to feel loved and respected.

How do you …GOD I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!

How do I let this woman understand that she doesn’t deserve this life, that she should be treated like a loved woman, mom, friend, partner...etc.

How do I tell her that she needs to let GOOD into her life and NOT push it away.

I am so LOST.

I know I am a butch, and suppose to be strong and what not, and I am I guess up to a certain point, but I can’t stop crying. I want to help and I don’t know how.

So please tell me, tell me how and what can I do?

I know some of you don’t comment, but I really need some guidance.

Last night I went to church and prayed. I am not a religious person, but I am desperate for some light, some way to heal these two women.

Help!